a breakup of another sort

I missed my flight to Italy.
I can make excuses and explain it away. I was there. I was checked in but I didn't make sure I got to the gate in time.
I messed it up and now I'm not in Italy and I have to live with that.
The worst is that now Ivy has to live with it too.

I sprinted back to the ticket desk as soon as I realized it to try to get on another flight. Hoping there was something that could be done. I spent the next 2 hours on the floor of the airport trying not to sob on the phone with people who tried, desperately, to help me. It could have been fixed... but for a high price. One I couldn't afford. The best thing they could do for me was manage to charge me a change fee and allow my fare to be held as a credit. I did lose money, but not all of it.. not even half of it. This is a blessing and I know it. This means I'll still get to Italy and to Ivy, just not now.

I spent the next 2 hours on the phone with my sister hoping that a buddy pass might work (fly standby) for $500. We had options there but they were all iffy. I didn't have a good feeling about trying to make that work so I decided not to go that route.

And, honestly, all I know to say beyond all of this is God didn't want me on that flight, that now isn't the time to get to Italy. I am handing this over to God. I went into planning this trip very prayerfully... and I'm doing the same now that it hasn't happened. I take comfort in that His plan is always perfect, even when I make stupid decisions.... that He still loves me and has the BEST planned for me.

simmer

See, I'm still around. I just don't feel the need to publish the details of my life lately.

So, you'll still hear from me from time to time. Mostly, though, you'll have to be in contact with me in order to hear or know anything current. I'm clearing out stale cobwebs and making more space for the important things.... dinner and laughter and wine with friends and family, staying out of debt, praying, living life to the fullest for the honor and glory to God, loving with my heart open.... you know, dancing in the rain, getting dirty, and all that. Running and yoga-ing and travelling. All those things that tug at your heart with yes and want and desire. I'm making space for that by clearing out the nonsense.

A blog. And Facebook. and yes, even twitter... I'm putting it all to a simmer. And turning up the heat on the rest of life. The real life that is sweet, sour, bitter, hot, cold, and palpable. The one that doesn't require a technology filled screen to view.

And every once in a while, I'll share some little something here and there.

words

I'm having trouble using my words properly today.
So here's a quick, unsorted, unstructured summary of my thoughts...

I hate commuting.
I think SC needs to adopt the northern US habit of posting "Slower Traffic Keep Right" and enforce it.
I think SC also needs to adopt stricter intelligence testing before issuing a Driver's License.
I might, possibly have Road Rage though I really think it should be called Stupidity Rage.
I do not enjoy shorter days.
I do not like leaving the house in the dark to go to work. ALREADY.
I need sunshine and runs. I haven't had much of either this week.
I miss my bed, at the moment.
I love having a shower with good water pressure. It's awesome.
I struggle when friends move away. I have two kick-ass friends moving far far away this month.
I am proud and excited for them, but there are no words to describe how desperately I will miss them.
I am excited to be starting a running study soon.
I would like to make some time to finish the work I made in NY.
I am hoping to plan some trips soon. First stop? Hopefully Charleston. (then Denver, then Italy--all pending cash flow)
I am applying for my passport. Finally.
I really should look into a coffee/caffeine IV....


Things are changing, as they always do... and while I might struggle with my words today, a lot of that change is really beautiful.