NOT all about me...

I think the people around me have forgotten that this isn't all about me. I can see how that happens... the training is about my body, what I do, how I do it, and what I don't do. The fundraising has a lot to do with what I can organize, how I do it, and what energy I pour into it. It gets pretty personal. I see how the real reason can get lost in the shuffle of car washes, things for sale, and general gimmicks. I get it. It happens.

But it's NOT ABOUT ME. It's not about most of the people I know. It's about those I don't know. The few I know who have battled cancer have been amazingly brave and brazen. Their fear, for I know it had to be there, they did not show. Like warriors, they fought the good fight. Some won, some lost. Some barely had a chance to fight. Statistics show that someone dies from blood cancer every 10 minutes. And that's just blood cancers. 9.5% of new cancer cases in the U.S. are blood cancers (Leukemia, Lymphoma, and Hodgkin's Disease being the most common of those). THIS is what it's about.

I am healthy.
I am strong.
I am able.

and I have no guarantee that I will stay that way. Yes, I am accomplishing one of my own personal goals by completing a marathon. But, IT'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. How many other lives am I reaching by tackling this goal? I will likely never know. It may be one, it may be one hundred.

Let's fight while we can, for those we can.

As for the latest fundraiser, I will say this: You only live once. And hair grows back. Let's focus on those who don't have a choice. There are so many who lose their hair not out of choice, not for a statement, not for appearances, but because they have no choice.

Let's get real.

Fully Committed

Now I'm officially in it for the long haul. I sent off my papers for recommitment yesterday.

It's time to focus on beating these shin splints, getting the miles in, and fundraising like a madwoman.

panic central

Recommittment is fast approaching.... and right around the corner is the charge date followed promptly by the marathon.

There are so many levels of panic to this, I can't even begin. First, the fundraising. I'm broke. I'm always just scraping by. I'm the girl who is in the habit of flipping off lights and in the dead of South Carolina summer doesn't turn on her A/C but for maybe an hour a day-- or while she sleeps if she's feeling extravagant. There is just nowhere else for me to personally draw any money for my own fundraising. I have zero wiggle room on my credit cards that I am desperately trying to pay off--- and mostly failing. So, what's a girl to do?

In addition, I'm still having shin splints. The tendinitis appears to be under control-- AWESOME!-- but what to do about the shin? PT is definitely helping but not shaking the pain. For now, I'm making time to walk the miles and run when my shin lets me. Ice packs have become my new favorite accessory.

I'm focusing hard core on fundraising ideas... asking my little heart out, calling on every single friend I know to help me reach this goal. It's not just about the 26.2 miles. Or the personal achievement. It's about the lives I'll be helping without even realizing it. It's about standing up and fighting. fighting. fighting whatever it is in your life that knocks you down for no good reason. It's about fighting for those who can't fight for themselves. It's about fighting for those who probably never thought they'd not be able.

I might be in a panic, but at least my heart is in the right place. We're going to keep fighting.

still behind, but..... making progress?

I'm still not running the miles I need to be running according to my training plan. I managed to get out and "run" yesterday. It was more walking than running. It took me 2 hours to get through six miles. I thought I'd at least tackled 8. When I mapped out the route I had taken, I was sorely disappointed to see that 6 come up. I was supposed to do 10.

Granted, it's progress. I'm just scared it's going to be too little, too late. I did have some success using a patella strap on my knee, though. The shins did flare up but not nearly as bad as I expected. Icing before and heavily after may be the key to that one. Today, I'm feeling small twinges in both the knee and my shin.... and in addition, a little something in my piriformis. I've had that injury before, too, so I know how it feels. I'm going to revisit stretches for that one.... I think it can be nipped in the bud. I'm hoping, anyway. The last thing I need is another battle to fight.

We're shooting for another walk, today. 5 miles is the goal.


**UPDATE: Today (Tuesday), I'm limping because of my shin. I brought an ice pack to work with me and am icing religiously. PT is this afternoon.... and I am hoping to get in a 5 mile walk. Yesterday's got rescheduled due to severe storms. I did yoga instead. Ice, Ice, Ice, Ice....

....take a deep breath and remember....

a few things I'm trying to remember today....

"I am a runner because I say I am. And no one can tell me I'm not."

"As we run, we become." - Amby Burfoot

"You don't need a reason - you need a road. Believe in the run." - Nike Ad

There are many, many more... but these apply to my running. And, for now, as I try to get past my discouragement about my injuries and inability to train properly, I'm just trying to remember.

Beyond my own battle is a larger, much more significant battle. I expect I'll be hobbling, but I'm determined to get to that finish line.

quickie

quick update:
I managed to get in a few good pool runs last week. I was pleased with the effort and the timing it took to get into the pool without a lot of hub-bub. I was disappointed in my level of fitness and how quickly I got tired.

My test run over the weekend went well. I only had small twinges of pain... but no real pain. My left knee flared up with what I belive is "runner's knee." I've had it before and can only hope it's short lived.

Encouraged by my weeekend success, I ran again yesterday. Mistake. While not experiencing full shin splint pain, I had more twinges. Today, I have some stiffness and a few knots have returned. My left knee is screaming at me. I'm icing both as heavily as I can. I made the decision, even before the run, to continue with my PT for a while. If I'm having twinges, I'm running a risk of re-injuring myself. As seen with yesterday's run. The stupid part of myself wants to say that the part where I felt no pain.... just the pure deliciousness of a good solid run.... was worth it. I'm just not sure that it was now that I'm off running for another few days.

Those two runs made me remember.... and I miss running even more now. I felt like myself again.

It's back to the pool for me.

More Ouch

I took last week off from running. Instead, I did some "pool running," yoga, and climbing.

I'm just getting back in the swing of climbing after a 5 year hiatus. It feels as if I've never climbed before. I loved it.... and felt every move for the next 2 solid days. Eh, part of the process.

The "pool running" went fine except for getting kicked out of my complex's pool at 10 pm. I didn't realize they were so hard core about the time limit.... especially for someone who was simply doing laps and treading water. It felt good, though. I plan on doing some more of this until my shin splints subside.

Yoga... man, I've missed it. And, man, am I out of shape.

I did go for a run Saturday morning. Since I was out later than I had planned on Friday, I skipped our group run. I tested the waters and got in a solid 3 miler. I did have to walk more of it than I'd like.... but considering the pain I'm still experiencing in my shins it's best I didn't push too hard.

I'm going to get new orthotics made tomorrow. The ones I got last week just aren't going to cut it. They have zero cushion and lack the support I really need. The comparison between my new ones and my worn out ones is absurd. My old ones have better support! In hindsight, I would have been better off spending money on over the counter orthotics. Alas, I'm hoping I'll get the results I want from these other ones. I'm getting them from the Physical Therapists I used to see when I first started running. They know me, my feet, and my tendency to injury. (it's just the billing office I don't like)

There's your update. I'm still off track according to our training schedule. I should have gotten in a 5 miler on Saturday instead of my 3. *sigh* I hate not being where I should, but given the pain I just can't push that far. Some how, some way, I'll get to the finish line. I'm just hoping I don't have to limp across it.